Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Congress feels our pain and wants to make sure we get more. First they’re gonna protect us from big oil’s obscene 6¢ profit off of every $3.61 at the pump. Of course the Fed and state governments will keep pocketing their 63¢ take. And then there’s Congress’ heroic effort to protect the environment and save the world. Like mandating ethanol. That’s sending the price of food through the roof and putting companies out of business. And what about our own natural oil reserves. No searching and no drilling so we can send a $1 billion daily to those who wish us dead. Cuba is joining the club and is taking bids to drill for oil only 45 miles off the southern coast of FLORIDA! Next thing Congress is gonna save us from is electric blankets. Seems somebody told them they’re made from sheep struck by lightening.

This little piggy went to Congress and got a make-over. Last year Congress adopted strict ethic rules on pork spending. But unable to stay on a diet, they put some lipstick on that pig and poof! - “hard earmarks” which have - ha ha - STRICT disclosure rules were turned into “soft earmarks” which have none. Feeding at the earmark trough was up 30% last year so it wasn’t too surprising the attempt for a one-year moratorium on ALL pork failed last month. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi put the bill in her pocket and insists it may see the light of day some century. Guess Pelosi figures there’s no need to put Congress on an earmarks diet yet. Not until it gets to the point where politicians looking out the junket bus window - see part of themselves waving good-bye.

• Members of the House of Representatives that have sworn off earmarks:

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Ummm, home grown - sounds great. Unless you’re talking about home grown terrorism - Al Qaeda style. There’s a bunch on trial now but Hussam Ayloush, mouth piece for CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations) says being vigilant, “Should not be about exaggerating any threat in a way that promotes certain political agendas.” While New York City Police Commissioner Ray Kelly has a different worry. “The public is getting complacent… if the 19 hijackers on Sept. 11 were arrested on Sept. 10. How would that have been characterized?” Hussam suggests we wait for more sunshine on the subject. Like through another jet liner hole in a skyscraper roof?

• CAIR: “War on Terror” is malicious “War on Islam”

Don’t worry CAIR - the FBI doesn’t see terrorists everywhere. Take the stolen car case in New Mexico for example. While the car’s owner was pumping gas into his motorcycle, he saw it pull up to the pumps. A quick thinker, he snatched the keys out of the car’s ignition and the thieves ran. Then it got interesting. The cops found a bomb and about $1,000 in Iraqi money. Los Lunas Police Captain Charles Nuanes says, “We don’t know what their intentions were. We don’t know what they were planning on doing with any of this.” But the FBI is sure it ain’t terror related. Do you think when the guys and gals of the FBI got their flu shots, it was laced with a big dose of wishful thinking?

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

When in his mid-20’s, one current presidential candidate went looking for a job and became alarmed. “There was something about him that made me wary. A little too sure of himself, maybe. And white.” That’s from Obama’s FIRST autobiography “Dreams From My Father” written ten years later. Which maybe explain his SECOND 2006 autobiography “The Audacity of Hope” written ten years after that. Does the first spilling of the Obama guts tell the racist preacher Wright tale? “I ceased to advertise my mother’s race at the age of 12 or 13, when I began to suspect that by doing so I was ingratiating myself to whites… it remained necessary to prove which side you were on, to show your loyalty to the black masses, to strike out and name names.” Of course there’s plenty of conservatives sporting the same hue as our ‘Oh Mama’ Obama who disagree with the Man of Hope and Change. And at this revealing rate “Hope” I Get Elected just may wind-up Political Spare “Change.”

A slip of the PEN? In “Living History” Hillary Clinton wrote “Due to reports of snipers in the hills around the airstrip, we were forced to cut short an event on the tarmac with local children, though we did have time to meet them and their teachers.” But with all the muss and fuss of dredging up the proper “Experience” to lead, the poor dear misspoke as she talked to reporters Monday. “I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base. Everyone else was told to sit on their bulletproof vests. And we came in, in an evasive maneuver. … There was no greeting ceremony, and we basically were told to run to our cars. Now, that is what happened.” Okay, Hil. You’re tired. But what about the ‘I save Northern Ireland’ claim? “I helped to bring peace to Northern Ireland. I remember a meeting that I pulled together in Belfast, in the town hall there, bringing together for the first time Catholics and Protestants from both traditions, having them sitting a room where they had never been before with each other because they don’t go to school together, they don’t live together and it was only in large measure because I really asked them to come that they were there.” But Northern Ireland’s Lord Trimble, negotiator and aide to John Hume doesn’t quite remember it that way. Says Hillary’s inflated claims are a “wee bit silly.” Get the funny feeling that if Hillary ever took a stroll in Venice, Italy - somehow it’d be mis-remembered as the time she ‘walked on water.’

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

It’s been a fairy tale week: First the Emperor Spitzer Has No Pants classic followed by Obama’s Wizard of Oz - “Pay no attention to that racist preacher behind the curtain” speech. Pastor Jeremiah Wright is giving Barack Obama a bad case of foot in the political mouth disease. The Rev. has gone from “sounding board,” inspiration for Obama’s book “The Audacity of Hope,” and the source for his 2004 keynote address at the Democratic National Convention - to “inflammatory and appalling.” My, my what a few reality checks can do for ya. The Rev. Jim Wallis, founder of the Sojourners and an Obama friend / apologist says, “If you want to understand where Barack gets his feeling and rhetoric from, just look at Jeremiah Wright.” Would that be the same Rev. Wright who spat out gems like? “The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people. God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.” Of course this maybe another “just rhetoric” moment but it sounds more like Adolf Hitler trying to get “Mein Kempf” published by the “Christian Science Monitor.”

If you can’t take the heat Barack - stay out of the Press Room. Ever since SNL gave the media a new set of balls, Obama has actually gotten some tough questions. Like why did his representative tell the Canadian government his campaign’s anti-NFTA talk was “just rhetoric.” Or refusing to be candidate about his connection to ex-campaign fund-raiser Tony Rezko, now on trial on corruption charges. The reporters kept shouting questions even as Obama scurried from the room. Now Fox News has an “Obama Watch” countdown. They’re waiting for the Man of Hope and Change to fulfill his 2006 promise to sit down to a little political mano-a-mano interview. Chris Wallace, host of “Fox News Sunday” said Sunday, “Many of you have sent us e-mails asking why the senator won’t come on ‘Fox News Sunday’ and face tough questioning. It has now been 730 days, 13 hours, 53 minutes and nine _ no, 10 seconds and counting since Obama agreed to be a guest on ‘Fox News Sunday.’ Tune in next week for the latest.” Obama is becoming proof of that old proverb, “If you have half a mind to run for office - that’s all it takes!”

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Compete in China and - disqualify? Britain’s intelligence service has just found out that China is testing banned performance-enhancing drugs on political prisoners in their labor camps. The projected customers though are not Chinese athletes. Their aim is to sell it to their athlete’s competitors - who would then get kicked out of the games when caught. Parkinson, a member of the UK Sports drug-free unit, is warning British athletes hoping to represent the UK in the Olympics to beware. The human rights organization who tipped off the Brits said it was the Communist government’s sneaky way “for Chinese athletes to walk away the medals. It is no secret that the Beijing regime sees the Games in much the same light as the Nazis did at the Berlin Games – an opportunity to showcase its global power on the track as well as elsewhere.” Yep, another shining example of Utopia - at the point of a gun

You know what they say about being careful what you wish for. When Castro’s little brother Raul took over the reins of power last year he made the mistake of telling the little guy to speak up about their problems. And they did. In spades. Now the little guy is griping - about wages so low even basics necessities are out of reach; overcrowded buses; government-run stores with nothing in them to buy and long waits to find out just how empty they are. Cuba’s vaunted health care system? Forget about it. And luxury? The only luxurious living accommodations Cubans ever see - are the hotels they clean for foreigners. The worker’s paradise is off limits to Cubans and so is travel outside the country. In fact a typical Cuban vacation package consists of a tour guide holding up Europe, South America, Central America picture postcards.

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Russia’s beauty pageant humorously known as ‘the presidential election’ has a winner - Dmitri Medvedev. Dmitri is the cutie Putin singlehandedly chose to be Russia’s next president. The fix was in early of course. Putin fiddled with the Russian Central Election Commission and they obligingly disqualified the only viable contender for the job, former Prime Minister Mikhail M. Kasyanov. Andreas Gross, leader of the sole Western observer mission allowed into Russia said, “It’s not fair… We think there is no freedom in this election.” President-elect Medvedev didn’t bother to campaign. Local governors appointed by the Kremlin did that for him. The toadies herded the locals to the polls where the only thing they actually cast - was a chance to win a car. Seems elections in Russia take you where you know you’re going away. Sorta like installing an escalator in an elevator.

You know that NAFTA thing - just kidding. Obama is getting a reputation for words that some find awe inspiring. Word combos like the “Hope and Change” and now “just rhetoric.” The leaked memo concerning a Canadian consulate meeting with Obama’s senior economic policy adviser Austan Goolsbee said that much of the NAFTA “rhetoric that may be perceived to be protectionist is more reflective of political maneuvering than policy.” Ummm. Hey, Barack what else are you ‘maneuvering’ on? I mean, hope you’re not rolling out a honey worded red carpet you’ll gonna pull it out from under us.

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Obama is an all inclusive kind of guy. His Vote For Me web page has, “Jews for Obama,” “Christians for Obama,” “Gay Christians for Obama” and “Muslim Americans for Obama.” Trouble is with the last one. It lists two societies with real bad terrorist type smells. The Islamic Society of North America (ISNA) was a co-conspirator in the Holy Land Foundation terrorism-financing trial which was declared a mistrial in October 2007 due to bullying. If any juror dared to consider evidence rather than rubber stamping an acquittal, they were cursed and belittled by fellow juror William Neal. The Muslim American Society (MAS) Minnesota chapter declared a fatwa and demanded “Islamic jurisprudence” prevail when Muslim taxi drivers refused to take passengers carrying alcohol. Luckily their attempt to force Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport to install two systems of conduct for taxi drivers - one for Muslims and one for everybody else - failed. Guess that’s why Nation of Islam Minister Louis Farrakhan endorsed Obama and declared him the “hope of the entire world” so he can force the U.S. to change for the ‘better.’ What will happen if Obama is elected? I’ve got the sneaking suspicion that every time we open the door to American style opportunity - we’ll gonna get mugged.

Boy, talk about switcheroos! Not so long ago Hillary Clinton was THE sure bet to get the Dem nomination. While at the same time, McCain was declared dead in the political water. Now it’s Hil’s campaign that doesn’t have a dime and McCain who’s pulling in the big dough. Last December, a deli in NYC served up breakfast for the Clinton campaign and last week served it with a lawsuit. And it’s only one many vendors waiting to be paid. Same week as the deli lawsuit, the New York Time’s smear of McCain produced not only conservative talk radio support for McCain but oodles of dough. In fact, his most successful bit of fund raising to date. Hear Hillary is real upset by this new uneven paying field.

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

The white gloves are off! In the campaign ring are - dueling WIVES! In the far out corner wearing self-righteous trunks is Michelle Obama. The little lady comes out swinging. She tries to land a knock out punch to the entire US of A with a “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I’m really proud of my country.” Guess the thought of doing a Jacqueline Kennedy for four years turns her on. But suddenly - in the other corner is Cindy McCain. Back in fighting shape she whips a hard blow to the left with “I am proud of my country. I don’t know if you heard those words earlier … but I am very proud of my country.” This 2008 election cycle duel has a pregnant nine months before we see which one has enough lung power to hold her position - until it has finger prints on it.

Swooning for Obama? Are some women confused and don’t realize Obama is running for president and not savior? These fainting dears have “some on the web questioning whether the campaign is employing shills or whether the phenomenon is evidence of fanaticism and cause for concern.” But one thing’s for sure if Obama gets elected prez and gives away $845 billion for global poverty as his current bill in the Senate proposes. We’ll all need to learn at least six languages to say, “Spare change?”

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

McCain’s battle to become the GOP’s presidential candidate looks like it’s going to be all up hill. Mike Huckabee refuses to disappear as ordered and ultra conservatives like Ann Coulter threaten to vote Hillary ‘cause, “She won’t want to be the first girl President who loses a war… and she [Hillary] would actually enjoy torture in Guantanamo.” With the add bonus that “If Hillary gets elected at least we’ll get the [White House] silverware back!” Go HilBill!

Let’s see, Barack Obama wont’ wear a USA flag pin and can’t force his hand over his heart during the USA National Anthem. But at least his followers are patriotic - if you mean Cuba. One of Obama’s campaign offices in Houston, TX proudly displays the national flag of Cuba with Che Guevara’s kisser superimposed on it. If Obama is elected, will we know which country’s interests he’ll represent? Hear the GOP is already preparing campaign ads for an Obama run. My favorite - “Obama - just one administration away from indictment.”

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Super Tuesday has passed. No slam-dunk leader emerged from a nice selection of Weasel of the Month Club. There was the baby of the bunch, Barack Obama who now wants to grant driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants. Hillary Clinton vows to garnish workers’ wages if they won’t buy health insurance. Mr. Illegal Alien Amnesty - a.k.a John McCain has created an avalanche of Republicans vowing to vote for the HilBill co-presidency if he’s the GOP candidate. While Mitt Romney boasting about all the jobs he created in Massachusetts, failed to mention the state was dead last in job creation, economic growth and wage increases when he was governor. Then there’s the rest of the bunch - a field of also rans who like the above, are fluent in “Whatever Will Get Me Elected” speak. I have a gut feeling that all of the candidates think the proper spelling of the word ‘voter’ is - S . U . C . K . E . R!

• Death by Medicine

Hillary was the hands down winner in something. She was voted the ‘Most Likely To Do Anything To Get Elected’ and ‘Most Likely To Embarrass The USA” in a national Fox News Poll. Now the burning question is - will Hil be our next Punchline-in-Chief?

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