Dedicated to Freedom of Satire "We hold these jokes to be self evident that all situations are created funny"
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Archive for September, 2006Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
Inconvenient Quotes “And on the seventh day God rested. That’s when he asked me to take over.” Today’s pundit: Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai : Sept. 26, 2006 “There will not be an end to terrorism unless we remove the sources of hatred in madrassas and the training grounds.” Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
News Fit to Quip Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course Two years ago it was okay to perform but today Berlin’s Deutsche Oper is being called a bunch of cowards for cancelling Mozart’s Opera, “Idomeneo” which features the severed heads of Buddha, Jesus, Poseidon and oh no! - Mohammad! Flemming Rose, culture editor of Denmark’s Jyllands-Posten paper said, “You play into the hands of the radicals. You are telling them: your tactics are working. This is a victory for the radicals. It’s weakening the moderate Muslims who are our allies in this battle of ideas.” Let’s just hope accommodating radical Islamist like this doesn’t bring back the good old days when society was personal and leaders had first names - like “Yes Master!” Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth The Democrats are singing a different tune since Hugo “he’s a devil” Chavez’s boffo performance at the UN last week. (Tune “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…”)
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
Sleaze-noid News With two sides to every story - Local and Network The jihadists’ number one morale booster, the New York Times, has published another classified government report which in part says that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks. There’s a secret to being a careful, objective reporter of the news. And for the New York Times - obviously a very well kept secret. Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
And in Hollywood - Where reality is just another thing you fake ‘Itsy Bitsy’ is ALIVE! Seems the real lyricist for “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”, Paul Vance, isn’t as dead as first reported today but rather an impostor Paul Vance who spent his life claiming the 1960s smash hit as his own. Well you know what they say, Defraud one - that’s a crime. Defraud all - hey - that’s showbiz! Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
The Chicken Little Report - The weather - brought to you by Bossy - and a good MOOO to you! The yo-yo catastrophe - Global Warming. NASA released a study in September saying that the oceans have been cooling since 2003. NASA released another study reporting that global temperatures are the hottest in 12,000 years and just one degree Celsius short of beating the records for the last million years. Germany’s University of Cologne published a study reporting 10,500 years ago earth’s temperature was so hot (and wet) that the Sahara Desert bloomed and supported life. (What a catastrophe! Saudi Arabia with oil AND a prime real estate market.) In Alaska, Fourpeaked Mountain volcano is letting off steam and gases for the first time in thousands of years causing the glacier to melt and slip into the vents. While super volcano Yellowstone’s caldera has been filling with magna, lifting the land and acting freaky since 2003. Boy, the SUV is one hot momma. Maybe we should lob a few into Iran. Remember kiddies: Emissions from civilization (and SUVs) are dwarfed by emissions from Earth’s oceans and land. “The gods are laughing” Tom Harris, National Post Published: Wednesday, June 07, 2006 Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
Inconvenient Quotes “And on the seventh day God rested. That’s when he asked me to take over.” Today’s pundit: Billy Jaye - comedian: This quote is dedicated to the UN. It’s a joke - just like the funny kind - only different. Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
News Fit to Quip Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course The problem with Venezuelan President Chavez and Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s addresses to the UN this week was their “salted peanuts” verbal attacks on the USA and Bush. Once they got started, they just didn’t want to stop. Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth According to Charles Darwin, all living things will get stronger and more intelligent through evolution. But how do you explain Federal Judges? Robert G. James of the United States District Court, Western Division of Louisiana, has decided that fishing, boating or hunting on the Mississippi River or any navigable waters here in the US will get you put in jail for trespassing. Shortly after his ruling, Judge James was repeatedly reported to the Missing Persons Bureau. Not because he was missing - but because he wasn’t all there. Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
Sleaze-noid News With two sides to every story - Local and Network The Path to 9/11 didn’t make waves with the viewing public but it sure did make life hell for the author, Cyrus Nowrasteh. Here’s a bit of his take on the brouhaha. “In July a reporter asked if I had ever been ethnically profiled. I happily replied, “No.” I can no longer say that. The L.A. Times, for one, characterized me by race, religion, ethnicity, country-of-origin and political leanings–wrongly on four of five counts. To them I was an Iranian-American politically conservative Muslim. It is perhaps irrelevant in our brave new world of journalism that I was born in Boulder, Colo. I am not a Muslim or practitioner of any religion, nor am I a political conservative. What am I? I am, most devoutly, an American. I asked the reporter if this kind of labeling was a new policy for the paper. He had no response.” Old media reporting is like a sandwich. You know, something of substance at the front and back, but mostly baloney in between. |
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