Inconvenient Quotes

“And on the seventh day God rested. That’s when he asked me to take over.”

Today’s pundit: Mark Twain:

“Now, suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

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News Fit to Quip Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course

This week’s Republican/Democrat Smackdown Report:

The Democrats finally have a plan to cut bloodshed in Bagdad. An 11 o’clock curfew for terrorists.

The Republicans are fighting back saying the Democrat Party got where it is today because of its great gift of grab.

The Democrats keep telling voters they want America go with their party to a better destination or as the Republicans call it - Never-Never Land.

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Sleaze-noid News With two sides to every story - Local and Network

You know what they say about this time of year, it’s election time and the sap’s running.

Democrat candidate Ned Lamont’s campaign against newly Independent Sen. Joe Lieberman is running so slow that pigeons keep mistaking Lamont for a statue.

And did you hear about Libertarian candidate Loretta Nall? She and her breasts are running for governor of Alabama. Loretta says she doesn’t jog, is not an erotic dancer and blames her opponents for spreading the rumor she got her ample cleavage from doing lots of laps per day.

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

I keep having this nightmare about North Korea’s and Iran’s nuclear bombs. In my dream, I sit down to breakfast and the whole world goes, “Snap, crackle and pop.”

U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan wants the US to sit down with North Korea for one-on-one talks. He already has the conference room set up. It has a round table with a “Duck and Cover” theme.

And Kim is demanding people stop dissing the North Korean Police Department. Their new moto TLC does NOT mean Trouble Loving Cops.

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And in Hollywood - Where reality is just another thing you fake

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have finally set the date and rumor is her Giorgio Armani wedding dress is SO sexy that the laundryman at her dry cleaners tried to elope with it.

Wesley Snipes is really depressed by the IRS Tax Fraud warrant for his arrest and has hired a lawyer to help prepare his last fraud and testament.

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The Chicken Little Report - The weather - brought to you by Bossy - and a good MOOO to you!

Our saviors have just come up with a car that is guaranteed to cut down on global warming. It’s has an Al Gore look-a-like sitting next to you telling to you repent.

Right now Gore is personally working on a very important problem. Who’s going to replace the fuse when the sun burns out.

Interesting Info:

Exponential increase in earthquakes continues to escalate – world’s every hotspot boiling again – 2012 mega earthquake?

After you read the above article and you want to know more about Magnetic Polar Reversals, watch NOVA’s “Magnetic Storm” Episode #3016.

Remember kiddies: Humanity’s contribution to the atmosphere’s CO2 load is actually less than half of 1% … Emissions of our civilization (are) dwarfed by the 210 GT/year emissions from Earth’s oceans and land.

“The gods are laughing” Tom Harris, National Post Published: Wednesday, June 07, 2006

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Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

While the world shakes over North Korea’s nuke test, their weird leader Kim Jong IL is doing his fall clothes shopping. Just picked up a beauty. A suit that’s 50% wool and 50% bull.

I’ll tell you what life is like in North Korea. When the Great Leader tells you to tighten your belt - you don’t have a to worry, no belt!

The North Korean government wants you to think there’s no unemployment and maybe they’re right. After all it’s a full-time job for fifty million of them just to carry all those parade flags.

And North Korea is NOT a dictatorship. They have elections. Voters can pick the only candidate in column “A” and none from column “B”.

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Inconvenient Quotes

“And on the seventh day God rested. That’s when he asked me to take over.”

Today’s pundit: Andy Borowitz, “The Republican Playbook”:

The Republican Party is the party of the Intelligent Designer; the Democrat Party is the party of the Interior Designer.

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News Fit to Quip Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course

The GOP has lost so much ground because of FoleyGate they were forced to take another look at their campaign strategy timetable. Good thing too ‘cause it seems they’ve been using the one for the DC Metro Bus Line.

Former Florida Rep. Mark Foley kept waiting for the perfect Congressional Page to come along. What got him into trouble was having fun with the imperfect ones.

FoleyGate is not only a problem for the Republican but for the Democrats too! They’re now in the unique position of accusing Republicans of having the same cultural values as liberal Democrats.

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Sleaze-noid News With two sides to every story - Local and Network

The Democrats seem to have a sure fire answer to the country’s problems: Better Government Through Indictment - preferably of Republicans.

Underhandedness is not new to the political culture of Washington DC. It’s always been like that. When you stab a guy in the back you’re supposed to say, “PSST! Pass it on!”

Apparently in the eyes of the Democrats, behind every great Republican political career there should be a three year prison sentence.

In fact the Democrats are holding a competition for the best Republican political joke. And the prize? For the Republican of your choice, ten to twenty years.

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