And in Hollywood - Where reality is just another thing you fake

“The View’s” Elisabeth Hasselbeck wants to make-up with Rosie O’Donnell after their on-air fight. But Rosie has put Elisabeth on the DO NOT CALL list and vows never to talk to her again. Rumor is - a majority of the viewing public is now trying to figure out how to get on that list!

Coroner Dr. Louis Pena testified during Phil Spector’s murder trial that the barrel of a gun might have been forced into actress Lana Clarkson’s mouth, bruising her tongue before she ‘committed suicide.’ And that there were bruises on her right arm and writs. In fact, the actress was in such a rush to die, she sat there with her purse on her shoulder. Through it all, Phil Spector seemed pretty happy. But then, ever since he made the police line-up, he thinks he’s back in Show-Biz.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Inconvenient Quotes

“And on the seventh day God rested. That’s when he asked me to take over.”

Today’s pundit: General Dwight D. Eisenhower, D-Day June 6, 1944

I call upon all who love freedom to stand with us now. Together we shall achieve victory.

Support the brave people of Venezuela BOYCOTT CITGO!!! Take away Dictator Hugo Chavez’s biggest source of revenue. Then tell your complacent Congressman/woman to get off their self-centered butts and do the same in law.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

News Fit to Quip Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course

Their messiah better get to Iran quick before the country’s economy jihads itself right out of existence. Seem it was melting, melting, melting last Friday after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, unexpectedly made the banks lower interest rates which set-off panic selling in the stock market. Several stockbrokers had really bad luck too. They jumped out of their office windows and LIVED!

Bush is fighting mad at anybody who doesn’t trust the latest “last fix” for illegal immigration. “Don’t try to kill this bill before it gets moving. A lot of Americans are skeptical about immigration reform, primarily because they don’t think the government can fix the problems.” Let’s see - the estimated cost of this beast is over 2 trillion dollars. So, Mr. President, according to you - my duty is to send you my taxes and kissed my country goodbye?

The Heritage Foundation Senior research fellow Robert Rector analyzed the bill and came up with a few interesting things. “Any illegal immigrant during the next two years who enters the country and claims amnesty cannot be arrested, detained or deported. It’s essentially a get-out-of-jail-free card for future illegal immigrants.” Also the Feds have only 24 hours to produce criminal records to stop a garden variety crook or killer terrorist from getting protection status. And anyone caught illegally crossing the border will be given the paperwork to apply for the entire package of U.S. benefits. You’re right Mr. President. What’s not to like. I can hardly wait until the illegals really get their hands into the welfare state piggy bank and start sending me my monthly ‘Deposit Due’ notices.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

Russian President Vladimir Putin announced Tuesday Russia has a new nuke delivery system that can’t be beat. And a warning to the U.S. about their deploying a missile shield in Europe. “We consider it harmful and dangerous to turn Europe into a powder keg and to stuff it with new weapons.” Ummm - I don’t know what make’s Putin tick - but let’s hope it ain’t a time bomb.

A crook by any other name would still be called Jack Murtha. Seems the old war horse snuck in over $5 million of contributor paybacks inside the Intelligence Authorization bill. Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) had the nerve of wanting to know what he was being asked to vote on and was sent on a wild goose chase by the happy Hollywood Dems for an answer. Five hours after it was too late to do anything, Flake found out that the ‘no earmark bill’ had 26 of the little devils. Then Murtha got into a fight with Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI) who objected to Murtha’s campaign contributors paybacks and Murtha threatened Roger’s future ability to get anything done as a law maker. Well, the happy Hollywood Dems refused to bring up Murtha on ethic charges (what he did is against the law) and Murtha finally did apologized. The fights in Congress are getting so nasty, they’re now being covered by Ring Magazine.

Pelosi claimed she was going to clean up Congress. Good idea. But now it’s gonna take about 20 tons of steel wool to completely scrub out the dirt left by the Dems.

Moneygall, a small town in Ireland claims prez candidate Barack Obama as one of their own. A message to Moneygall - he’s all yours, you can pick him up anytime.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Sleaze-noid News With two sides to every story - Local and Network

On Monday last week, ABC News revealed a covert CIA operation ‘to destabilize the Iranian government’ then on Friday Iran announced it had found the spy rings. Now three U.S.-Iranian citizens are going to be put on trial for their lives while the U.S. says ‘let my people go’ and “It’s absurd to allege that they are American spies.” I guess ABC thought it was one of those ‘Never tell a lie when the truth can do more damage’ moments.

Dictator Hugo Chavez thought the huge rally of everyday Venezuelans protesting the forced closure of their last free broadcaster, Radio Caracas Television (RCTV) was funny. “They are young, but they look like old people defending carrion, the stateless oligarchy.” Hey, Hugo. Don’t scare the kiddies this year - stay home on Halloween.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

The Chicken Little Report - The weather - brought to you by Bossy - and a good MOOO to you!

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she saw the climate change in Greenland. There she was. All alone - on her little broom…

Sun’s rays to roast Earth as poles flip

Earth’s magnetic field - the force that protects us from deadly radiation bursts from outer space - is weakening dramatically.

Scientists have discovered that its strength has dropped precipitously over the past two centuries and could disappear over the next 1,000 years. (This info has been updated but is not in this 2002 report. See NOVA’s “Magnetic Storm” Episode #3016)

The effects could be catastrophic. Powerful radiation bursts, which normally never touch the atmosphere, would heat up its upper layers, triggering climatic disruption. Navigation and communication satellites, Earth’s eyes and ears, would be destroyed and migrating animals left unable to navigate.

‘Earth’s magnetic field has disappeared many times before - as a prelude to our magnetic poles flipping over, when north becomes south and vice versa,’ said Dr Alan Thomson of the British Geological Survey in Edinburgh.

‘Reversals happen every 250,000 years or so, and as there has not been one for almost a million years, we are due one soon.’

For more than 100 years, scientists have noted the strength of Earth’s magnetic field has been declining, but have disagreed about interpretations. Some said its drop was a precursor to reversal, others argued it merely indicated some temporary variation in field strength has been occurring.

But now Gauthier Hulot of the Paris Geophysical Institute has discovered Earth’s magnetic field seems to be disappearing most alarmingly near the poles, a clear sign that a flip may soon take place.

Excerpted Guardian Unlimited
Robin McKie, science editor
Sunday November 10, 2002
The Observer

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

And in Hollywood - Where reality is just another thing you fake

The Italians think Barbra Streisand has some nerve charging up to $1,200 a ticket for her Rome concert on June 15th. Italian consumer groups are complaining that the venue “is public property and cannot be used for immoral deals that are shameful to a civilized country.” Hey guys - chill out! Babs needs the money. I mean, do you have any idea what it costs these days to install bathtubs WITH walk-in closets?

Mommie Dearest - the remake? Anne Heche’s soon to be ex is calling the “Men in Trees” star a bad mom. Seems she leaves five year old Homer to others while filming; forgets the car seat; makes lousy lunches… Hey! Even forgets to send the kid’s favorite stuffed pals back home after a visit. But Heche said the real reason for Laffoon’s animosity was a simple suggestion she made. When he asked what she wanted to do on their anniversary, Heche said - File for Divorce.

Britney Spears - we never knew! - You lip-sync! Seems the audience, after standing in line for hours and paying big buck to Florida’s House of Blues Saturday, didn’t know either. And didn’t like. And boy, they didn’t like - they booed when Britney’s lips didn’t match the skipping CD. Better be careful Britney or you’ll windup being known as the Marcel Marceau of pop.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Inconvenient Quotes

“And on the seventh day God rested. That’s when he asked me to take over.”

Today’s pundit: Will Durant (American Writer and Historian 1885-1981)

“Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

News Fit to Quip Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course

Sheik Ahmad Bahr, acting Speaker of the Palestinian Legislative Council was preaching recently. “‘You will be victorious’ on the face of this planet. You are the masters of the world on the face of this planet. Yes, [the Koran says that] ‘you will be victorious,’ but only ‘if you are believers.’ Allah willing, ‘you will be victorious,’ while America and Israel will be annihilated.” You know, it used to be that ‘Go To Hell’ had meaning. Now it’s just interchangeable for directions to the Middle East.

Well, as of Tuesday, the cease-fire wasn’t holding in Lebanon. Turkey’s Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan called Tuesday’s deadly bombing of the capital’s downtown shopping district a terrorist attack. And on Tuesday Israel told the Hamas their continual rocket attacks are getting OLD so they better not count on their leaders getting any older. Now put this on top of the fact that on the very same day I was denied a life insurance policy. Seems I now live in a high risk area - planet earth.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Report From Liliputian Land - Where it’s the ANNOYING who inherit the earth

In Texas, they’re finding a lot of non-citizens reporting for jury duty ‘cause they’re registered in the state to vote. Ah-h-h-h! So THAT’S why Congress wants to keep all those illegals immigrants in the USA. To do another job Americans won’t - re-elect them!

So far there are around 10 multimillionaires running for president with billionaire Mike Bloomberg hinting at a third party run. Some say only the rich can run for office now thanks to McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill. But I think that’s okay - after all, only the rich can afford the premiums on Tar and Feather Insurance.

Seems the candidates for the Idaho Supreme Court won’t support the state’s constitution which alarms Idaho Values Alliance. Bryan Fischer, executive director of the alliance asking da would-be judges questions, wasn’t amused. “One possibility is that the candidates didn’t even recognize that these statements come word-for-word from the state constitution, which is pretty alarming. The second possibility is that they did recognize them as coming from the constitution, but weren’t willing to let the public know whether they agreed with it. That’s even worse.” Relax Bryan, I know ignorance of the law is no defense but it has lead to many a long and distinguished career as a U.S. Federal judge!

Panama is still checking but they’re pretty sure the toothpaste poisoned with antifreeze was imported from China. Seems that China also shipped antifreeze as glycerin to Panama last year and killed off 100 people. The USA meanwhile says that China is the our top peddler of contaminated food, teas, lip gloss, counterfeit medicines… Well, it goes on and on. We should remember that the Chinese ARE capable businessmen - capable of ANYTHING!

Bookmark It

Hide Sites